Thursday, January 26, 2012

Waiting.....on what?

It's been hard for me to blog lately.....partly because I feel like nothing significant or out of the ordinary is happening in our lives, and partly because I feel.....restless.

Spiritually restless.

So often my spiritual life is connected to how things are going in our family, which is fine, I think. But now, for the first time in a LONG time, probably in the history of our marriage, we aren't wanting, waiting, or adjusting. There is nothing we NEED or are waiting for. There is no big change about to happen or that has previously happened. We are happy, content, thriving, and I should be praising God for these blessings. Instead I'm asking Him, Ok God, what next??

A good friend came over on Sunday and we were talking about how hard it is to go from a period of clearly being in God's will, to just....being. Not that we are out of God's will right now, but both of us had experiences very recently where we KNEW we were right smack in the middle of the will of God. For us, that was hosting Laura. I knew the Lord was calling us to her, and it was so clear that His voice was almost audible. So we did it. Now it's over, we're getting back into being a family of four, she's back in the orphanage, and there is no clear direction on where to go from here.

I know that God doesn't always speak so clearly. In fact, I can probably count on one hand the number of times that He has spoken to me, and without a SINGLE doubt in my mind, I have known what He was calling me to. So, is that what I'm waiting for? Another voice? Another calling?

I have already been called. To be HIS child. To this life of motherhood and homemaking. Sometimes the daily life feels insignificant. Sometimes I forget why I am here. But I am reminded that if I draw near to Him, HE will draw near to me. If I am daily seeking His will, His heart, then He will lead me. And when I have moments/days/weeks of weakness, of doubt and insecurity, I know that I am the one who has drifted, not My God.

He is the one waiting on me.

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