Thursday, March 12, 2015

The Beginning

All I have to say, is WOW.

I am so undeserving, so overwhelmed, and so humbled by the outpouring of prayers, support, meals, phone calls, texts, and donations. We are speechless with thanks. It is Kingdom work, what you guys are doing. Don't let anyone tell you anything different. Cooking a meal and dropping it off matters. Texting me that you love me and are praying matters. Dropping off essential oils, recommending a book, telling me about a support group or person.....this matters. Donating money so we can pay medical bills matters. With every text, phone call, note, muffin, book, and graces you are giving me, I am renewed with hope and reminded that this is what church is. This is what Jesus meant when he said love your neighbor as yourself.

I am only 4 days in to my breast cancer diagnosis and I already feel like I can conquer the world because of the backing that I have. There are things that I didn't know I would need that you are already providing. Things that I don't have the capacity to think of. People coordinating care and meals and cleaning and laundry and food storage. Before I can ask, it has been given. And I KNOW that is the Holy Spirit at work within each and every one of you.

Some of you have been felt led to take care of VERY specific things and I want you to know that is the Holy Spirit guiding you and speaking to you and leading you to meet a need. You are better than I am, because you are in-tune enough with who God made you to be to know what your gifts are and know how to be a blessing. I can see your spiritual gifts and personalities coming out in the way you are caring for me. Some of you are more emotional, some are getting business done and have your game-face on taking care of the practical needs. Some are leading prayer. Whatever you are doing, I am so grateful.

God's sovereignty amazes me. I know that He is in control and that He has written the days of my life out already, but sometimes the things He does still makes my jaw drop open in awe. The provision and love during this time is one of them. The only way that I could feel more loved and taken care of and in His Holy Healing Hands is if he audibly told me Himself. That He can tell the sun to rise, control the waves, and still remember me, though I am but dust, is so humbling.

Monday and Tuesday were the darkest days of my life. I felt hopeless. I cried all day and all night both of those days. I held my children like I was never going to get to hold them again. I grieved the loss of my health, the loss of my breasts, and possibly the loss of my life. I was gripped with fear and anxiety. I cried out to the Lord over and over and felt so alone. WHY? WHY NOW? WHY ME?

I am so selfish sometimes. Whining about my circumstance when God has known about it all along and has been prepping me, loving me, preparing me. The pieces are starting to fall into place. The fear and anxiety are slowly decreasing. I can feel your prayers. I can feel His presence.

I don't know what the outcome will be. I do know that it will be a very long and hard journey, and I know that with your support and with His Mercy I will fight. I feel like we are gathering momentum now, preparing for the road ahead. Like pedaling quicker on a bike so you can make it up the hill you see ahead, we are praying, soaking up the Word, resting in His peace, and gathering an army so we can make it up this huge hill ahead of us called cancer.

Thank you isn't enough. But it's all I've got. Thank you. To family and friends near and far. Thank you for believing in me and believing in our Sovereign, Healing God. We pray that He gets all the glory in this and we get none. It is ONLY by His grace.

Be Strong and Courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.
Joshua 1:9

Can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?
Matthew 6:27

Don't let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me.
John 14:1


Tori Kauffman said...

You are incredible and I love you.

Tori Kauffman said...

You are incredible and I love you.

Beth and Harrison said...

Janna, you and your whole family will be in my daily thoughts and prayers. Your faith and courage are truly inspiring.

Leigh Anne said...

Janna...Thanks for showing us your heart, sweet friend! I love you, and I'm praying for you!

claire @ a peachtree city life said...

beautiful, as always. i said this already, but i am so grateful that God has made you into such a strong woman. you made this post about thanking others rather than sharing worries about yourself. and you should know, it's not just everyone being nice or jumping on board for a cause, it's YOU (well, you and Mark and the girls) that has created this sort of response. this is such a testament to the person(people) you are and how important you are to all of us. the circumstances are terrible, but i am so glad God is giving you a chance to see and feel and truly experience this type of love, because you deserve every ounce of it. we are praying. i will be thinking of you tomorrow and praying God keeps that strength of yours going strong! love you.

Samantha said...

I commit to talking to God about you everyday. I pray you keep gaining that momentum for your journey ahead. Like any young mother would, I see myself in you and know that this could happen to anyone at anytime. I am humbled. You and Mark can do this.

Simora Scott said...

Tears are rolling down my face... your faith in God is evident. You are going through a devastating time in your life yet His light still shines through you. You have made me look at my walk differently with
Christ. You have made me yearn to become closer with Him. I am praying daily for you and your family and believing in God for your healing and total restoration!

Mary Jo Holly said...

Janna, I know you don't know me, but I feel like I know you, from hearing so much about you and Mark and your precious girls, from Martha through the years. I'm Martha's cousin, and Mark's too of course. So we're family that just haven't met yet! I was so sad to hear this news, but from reading your comments and thoughts, I know you will be fine. Not that the journey won't be a challenge, but that you will be so strong in your faith and determination. You have a lot to fight for and a lot to teach others as you go through this time in your life. It looks like you have a lot of people who will be there for you and Mark, and I hope you lean on them without a second thought! I will be praying for you all and looking forward to keeping up with your progress! With love, Mary Jo