Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Conviction vs. Want.....or Need....or what you THINK you need!

I love when conviction is strong. When you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are SUPPOSED to do something because the Lord is calling you to it. For Mark, it was his job at Delta. For me, it's staying at home to raise our children. Those were very obvious convictions for us, and convictions that we have reaped great reward for obeying. My greatest fear isn't disobeying the Lord's calling, its not hearing His calling clearly....or even at all.

I have been dealing with something lately, and I'm trying to figure out if it's a conviction, or a want, or a need.....or something else completely. And I haven't really wanted to talk about it.


There, I said it. Insert judgment here.

I never thought I would consider homeschooling for even a millisecond. But I had no idea what our world/school systems/society would look like right now, and I had no idea what it would be like to be a mother, and to realize that not only are you responsible for this little person's life, but you are also responsible for their mind, heart, and soul. I had no idea how much I would want to control what is fed to that mind, heart, and soul. I'm not talking about sheltering. I want all of my children to be IN the world, and to be a light for Christ, because that's what we are called to be. In the world, not of it. But can she (Lucy) be in the world and be a light for Christ if, at her very young and impressionable age, she is being taught evolution, to not pray in school, and that science, math, and every other subject for that matter has NOTHING to do with our Awesome, Perfect, Creator? No, I don't believe so.

I'm not trying to push or judge anyone. If your kids are in public school, good for them. I'm sure you spent lots of time and prayer over whether that was the best decision for your family or not. In our time and prayer, we have decided that public school is not an option. Atleast for this year, and in the school district we are in.

For our family, at this time in our lives, our options are either Christian school or Homeschooling. Financially speaking, Christian school is not an option. So that leaves.....uh....homeschooling??

Is the Lord CALLING me and convicting me to home school? I don't think so. If we had all the money in the world, I would put our kids in the best Christian school money can buy, at least I think I would. But we don't. We have zero dollars. So.....am I homeschooling out of obligation? Well, yes, sort of. Or maybe the Lord is calling me to home school and He is using our financial status right now to "force" me into it because I'm probably the most stubborn person on the planet. Or maybe I'm supposed to just home school for a year or two until either conviction or money makes us change our decision. I'm all types of confused.

Let's recap.

1. We don't want our kids in public school yet.

2. We don't have enough money to put them in Christian School.

3. I might become a homeschooling mom??

Fortunately Lucy isn't even 3 yet (though the end of the month is quickly approaching!!!) so I have at least two more years to sort this thing out. In the meantime, I would really appreciate your prayer/wisdom/support as I tackle this thing the Lord is throwing at me. I plan on starting some type of structured schooling at home in the fall, just to test the waters. But again, even if we don't like those waters, it might be what the Lord is calling me to.

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