Waiting....

"I have decided, I have resolved, to wait upon You Lord."

This song played as Mark and I drove to my LAST appointment yesterday. I kind of laughed and said, "well this is appropriate".

The good news is, we got a great report, baby looks great on ultrasound and everything is progressing normally so they are going to let me go to 41 weeks. Unfortunately, if she doesn't come on her own by then, then I'll have to have a c section Monday morning. I really wanted to avoid a c section, but at this point we've done everything we can and I'm trusting that if that's the way it happens it's because the Lord is protecting us from something else. He is in control and through this whole pregnancy we have prayed for His will and His sovereignty. I truly believe He has His hand on me and this baby, and so whatever happens is for the best. It's frustrating to think I've made it this far and may still end up with a c section after ALL THIS WAITING, (because if I had scheduled one instead of attempting a VBAC she would be here already!!) but it's also nice to know that there is an end in sight and no matter what we get to meet our little miracle on Monday morning! That gets me excited....

Keep us in your prayers. As Mark keeps reminding me, we still have all weekend, and anything could happen!

Just a quick update....

Yesterday was my due date! I've contracted a lot the past few days but nothing consistent, and actually my contractions slowed down a bit this weekend. I have a dr appointment on Thursday for an ultrasound and stress test to make sure baby is doing okay, but let's hope I don't make it to the appointment!

It's probably good that she hasn't arrived yet because we got a LOT done this weekend. We finished Lucy's new big girl room, put the crib back together and moved all of Lucy's toys and clothes out of the nursery. It's so weird seeing the nursery without Lucy's things in it, it feels so empty! That's been her room for her whole life and it made me sad to see her move out of it. She slept in her new room for the first time on Saturday night and she of course did amazing. She was very resistant when we told her she was going to sleep in her new room, but once bedtime came she went right to sleep and never made a peep. I MIGHT have cried a little....I've been really sentimental lately and it made me so sad to see her in her new room. I'm blaming the hormones. Here are a few pictures of her new room, it's still very much a work in progress so don't judge the bare walls :)

The bed was a garage sale find, and the dollhouse bookshelf my grandfather made!

Please pray that this baby comes on her own in the next few days. As of right now, if I don't go into labor on my own I will have to have a repeat c-section early next week, Monday or Tuesday (you can't be induced if you've had a previous c-section), but if things don't look good at the ultrasound on Thursday then it will be sooner. Really hoping to avoid another c-section, but we know that ultimately the Lord is sovereign over it all and we just want our baby here safely, however that has to happen. We'll try to keep the blog updated!

Shower!

No she's not here yet....but I did have a shower last week celebrating her upcoming arrival! I am so blessed to have family and friends who have supported me and encouraged me throughout this pregnancy. My precious friend Carolyn offered to throw me a shower and wouldn't take no for an answer, so we had a fabulous night eating yummy snacks, ice cream cake, and opening gifts! It really could not have gone more perfectly, it was exactly what I wanted and I'm so thankful to everyone who came, and especially to Carolyn and her mom for throwing the shower. I am so humbled by everyone's generosity.

Opening presents! Turns out there's still a lot you need even when it's your second baby!

The book that made me cry, written especially for Annie. Oh and p.s., yes her name will be Annie :) We haven't really "announced" the name because we don't have a middle name yet.

Me and my sweet Mama :) She has taught me so much about raising Godly children.

Precious friends! I forgot to take pictures until most had already left so I missed a lot of people! Sorry :)

Love these girls....they've been with me through it all...even those awkward middle school days. Good thing we don't look like that anymore :)

Messing around with the balloons. I brought these home to Lucy after the shower and she STILL drags them around the house and brings them to whatever room she is playing in. She'll say, "I think I need go get my balloons."

We are so excited to meet this baby girl and this shower made it all the more real to me.
THANK YOU AGAIN TO EVERYONE!

Almost there....

5 more weeks and we get to meet this precious girl! Lucy is so excited to be a big sister!

This week was a big week for me pregnancy-wise. Last Sunday was the 24 week mark, which all you medical professionals and pregnancy connoisseurs will know is the age of viability. Being a medical professional AND a bit of a paranoid mama this go round, I have been counting down the days to the age of viability. If something were to happen I know now that my baby would at least have a chance at survival outside of the womb, so it was a huge milestone for me.

On Thursday I had an appointment with the high risk OB, and after another very in depth ultrasound, it was confirmed that baby girl is healthy and growing and there are no longer any reasons why I should be followed by a specialist, so I am officially out of the high risk category! The specialist was fabulous, and I absolutely loved that ultrasound tech, but I am SO glad to not have to visit that office anymore. It was like I was just waiting for them to find something else wrong with her or with me.....but it's all good now and I'm just a regular old pregnant gal with all the normal symptoms and problems that go along with pregnancy and nothing more. Which makes me very grateful.

With Lucy, I don't really remember meeting any of the big milestones of pregnancy. I definitely took her pregnancy for granted, partly because it was unplanned but partly because I was naive and unscarred. This time around I have been much more cautious. Not necessarily by following all the pregnancy "rules" (cuz I've never been much of a rule follower....) but more in my mindset. I haven't started to get her room ready, I still check to see if I'm bleeding every time I go to the bathroom, I worry if I haven't felt her kick enough that day, I haven't started nesting or getting any of the baby gear out, I don't talk about the pregnancy much. I guess these are just ways I protect myself and guard my heart. It's not out of lack of faith, it's just out of experience. I know that 2 out of my past 3 pregnancies have ended in heartache, and so naturally that is what my mind expects. My heart expects the Lord to be faithful and give us a healthy baby girl in March, but my mind is logical and the odds are not in my favor. But with these two milestones, I feel like the odds are finally starting to be in my favor. With every week that goes by, the chance of her surviving outside the womb are greater and the risk of complications goes down. My mind and my heart are at war with one another, one completely trusting and hoping, and the other preparing for the worst. Plus add all the fun pregnancy emotions and mood swings and you'll realize why I seem so crazy sometimes :)

I've also had a hard time connecting to her. In a way I don't WANT to connect to her, not yet. I'm praying daily for more confidence and reassurance, and I keep thinking that after every doctor's appointment I'll have this moment where I go, "I'm actually pregnant and having a baby!" but it hasn't happened....I mean I have moments where I think about the nursery and want to buy her a little pink outfit, but most moments I don't think about it, and I kind of forget that I'm pregnant. Mark has to remind me to lay down and rest and take care of myself because I forget to drink water and nap and it's not until I'm having contractions or getting a migraine from the lack of food or sleep that I realize maybe I should take it easy. Probably the opposite of what most people would do in my situation, but you don't really know what you would do if you were in my situation until you're in it.

So I'm coping the best way I know how, while trying to remain positive and get excited, because before we know it we're gonna be blind-sided by this new little life that I wasn't "expecting" or preparing for because I was too busy worrying.

Halfway

Today is my 20 week mark.

I feel like jumping up and down, I feel not moving so that nothing will go wrong; I feel like rejoicing, I feel like crying; I feel like pinching myself to make sure its not a dream.

Although I am beyond thrilled and grateful that this pregnancy has progressed so well, I can't help but mourn the babies I lost. Because every milestone I reach with this pregnancy, I am reminded that I never got to reach with my other two babies. I never saw their heartbeat on ultrasound, I never felt them kick, I never found out their genders. It makes me miss them, and makes me want to experience all of those things with them. There is a common misconception that when you miscarry, that getting pregnant again will "replace" the baby you lost. Of course anyone who has ever lost a baby knows this is not true, but everyone who hasn't acts like it is. And really at times this pregnancy has made my losses feel all the more real to me.

I want to be clear that my journey through miscarriage is not over. It will never be over until I hold those babies in Heaven, because I am forever their mother. I am so grateful for the outlet this blog has been, and the outpouring of prayers and support I have received from friends, family, and people I've never met. But just because I'm pregnant with a healthy baby girl doesn't mean it's all over and everything's better and I'm not hurting anymore. BUT, I do want to rejoice each milestone of this pregnancy and praise the Lord for His faithfulness in keeping this baby strong and healthy. I guess what I'm saying is, don't be surprised if one day I'm posting ultrasound pictures and gushing about this pregnancy, and the next I'm posting about how I'm hurting and missing the other babies. It's a rollercoaster ride. I'm caught in the middle of these emotions.

I am grateful, amazed, and humbled that the Lord has given us this baby. But I am human, and I still hurt and I still question and I still wonder what those babies would have been like. I am learning that I will never completely recover. It's getting easier every day, and my Heavenly Father has healed me more than I thought possible. But I will always remember them and always long for them.

Our PINK blessing

Yesterday we found out we are having a baby girl! It wasn't quite the carefree and giddy circumstances we found out with Lucy, as this time Mark and I were alone in a high risk waiting room, waiting not only to find out the sex but also to find out if there is anything physically wrong with our baby. Joyfully her anatomy is "perfect" as the dr. said and he doesn't anticipate any problems. They didn't release me from the high risk category yet, but hopefully one more visit in December and I'll be normal again :)

We are thrilled to be having another girl. I never had a sister growing up (although I have two amazing sisters now :) so I am excited that Lucy will have a sister....fighting over clothes and boys and all that fun stuff. Oh man.

Here are some pictures from the ultrasound yesterday. I've been so fortunate to have so many ultrasounds through this pregnancy, it has given me so much confidence and confirmation that our baby is healthy and growing.

Profile shot

No boy parts here!

Five sweet little toes

Thank you Lord for this miracle!

Blessing

"In every genre of biblical literature and every stage of biblical history, God is seen pouring out his grace on his people for the sake of his glory among all peoples."

"God blessed his people in a miraculous way so that his salvation would be made known among all peoples."

"God really is in the business of blessing his people in unusual ways so his goodness and greatness will be declared among all peoples."

- David Platt, in his book Radical.

"This is what the Sovereign Lord says: It is not for your sake, O house of Israel, that I am going to do these things, but for the sake of my holy name...Then the nations will know that I am the Lord..."

- Ezekial 36

The Lord has taught me so much this past year, and one of the things I am learning now is that He blesses his people not for our own sake, but for his glory's sake, so that His name will be proclaimed and people will come to salvation. Keep this in mind as I tell you a story.

We joined our small group a little over a year ago. We had just suffered our first miscarriage and were still pretty shook up, but we didn't really talk about it much. As I shared in my miscarriage story, our group was wonderful and a huge source of encouragement to me, especially around the time of my due date. After my second miscarriage in March, our vulnerability really showed through and we grieved openly with our group. It was during this grieving time that two other couples shared that they were struggling with infertility. We all grieved together, and I really feel like I have a special bond with those two girls because our hearts all longed for the same thing. I remember one night, after a pretty intense small group meeting filled with tears and crying out to God, our small group leader put all six of us (the three couples) in the middle and the rest of the group laid hands on us and prayed over us. I think about that night all the time.

Miraculously, graciously, and in HIS timing, the Lord has laid his hand on all three of us, and we are all three pregnant, due back to back, in February, March, and April. I asked the girls if I could briefly share this story and both of them said, of course! And I know its because they feel the same way that I do, that we just want God to be glorified in this blessing, because it is not for our own sake that He has chosen to bless us with children, but for HIS name's sake, that he may receive glory and that somehow, someone who hears this might come to know Him personally.

So I guess this is my big pregnancy announcement. I didn't want it to be centered around us, because it's not. The Lord has carried me through my first trimester, which at times were filled with fear and doubt. But the fear is slowly turning into excitement. Thank you to everyone who has ever prayed for us. The prayers were and still are felt, and I am so grateful. I am due March 27. It is with great joy and and humility that we embrace this new blessing.

My Story of Miscarriage

I have felt compelled to post this for quite a while, but wasn't really sure how to do it. I mean this is about as personal as it gets, and to just post it publicly on my blog didn't really feel like the most tactful way to go about it....however....the outpouring of input and advice and support I have received from all of my other personal blog posts made me realize that I've already put myself out there, so why not give you guys the full story. Plus the Lord has really shown me lately that He gives and takes away for a reason, to bring Himself glory, and if I don't point to Him at the end of this then it's in vain. And how can I NOT point to Him?

So here they are...the stories of my miscarriages. They are pretty graphic and straight forward. I wrote all three of these posts at once knowing that one day I should share them. Feel free to read, feel free to skip over and ignore, I wouldn't blame you either way. I just want people to hear my story and see how the Lord has changed my life and changed my story. I know not everyone wants to talk about their miscarriages, and that's fine. This is just how I cope. Please feel free to contact me if you have experienced miscarriage and need someone to talk to.

The First One

The Second Time

My Spiritual Journey

Labor Continues!

Janna's contractions are coming MUCH stronger now and much more frequent. We're down to close to five minutes between contractions and each one seems more intense than the last. I just talked to the doctor and he told us to go ahead and come. We will be leaving as soon as Janna gets done blow-drying her hair (an obvious priority at this stage in the game). It's about 10 after 1 in the morning on July 31st. I bet the Lucy would be born July 31st at 7 lbs 9 oz's. So cheer me on!

I will be bringing the laptop with me so if I can find an internet connection I'll update the blog with pictures/videos and any information I may have. Thank you for your prayers and support, it truly means everything that everyone is so excited for us. We serve an amazing God whose willingness to give us a blessing such as this, despite our shortcomings, I'll never understand. Let's continue to pray for Janna and Lucy's health and safety. Thanks again everyone for your prayers and support and I will hopefully update again soon.

Labor Begins!

So Janna is officially in labor. It started about 2am and has been progressing very slowly but her contractions are getting worse and worse and closer together. It is about 9:30 at night now and her contractions are averaging about 6 1/2 minutes apart. We spoke with the doctor and since Janna is comfortable and nothing major has happened yet, he said it was okay if she labored at home for a while longer. We will most likely stay at home as long as possible. I will post again right before we go to the hospital which will be like 3am and probably no one will check it but its all good.

Baby Update...

We went to the doctor today, and nothing has changed. She's definitely head down but not very low so no progress has really been made. The plan is for me to come back on Friday to do a non-stress test and make sure Lucy and I are both healthy. If everything is normal, then they will induce me on Monday, August 4th. I hope I go into labor naturally before then, but its good to have an end date in sight! Thank you for all the prayers...we'll let everyone know how Friday goes (unless something happens before then!!)

Happy Due Date!

This is the day Lucy is supposed to arrive! Nothing is happening so far, but we are hopeful. Due to some recent requests (ahem...Julie) I'm putting a few pictures up of our house. I didn't take pictures of every room, so if you want to see the rest then you have to come visit! Hopefully we'll be updating you soon with baby news!

Part of our kitchen; you can see a little bit of the office to the right

Our family room, and the view when you walk in the front door

Master bedroom; you can see Lucy's pack n play all ready!

Lucy's room!

more of Lucy's room...

and some more...

Aunt Meredith painted these letters...she did such a good job. We, however, did not do such a good job of hanging them. Its more difficult than it looks.

The front of our house

Yes, I'm still pregnant

No I haven't gone into labor yet, you will be informed as soon as I do. For all of you calling me, don't worry, you'll get a phone call or a text when we are on our way to the hospital. Its just a little depressing for me right now to call everyone back and confirm that no, Lucy has not arrived and I just forgot to call. I appreciate all the calls and concerns though, it makes me realize how excited everyone is for us and that is so sweet. Keep us in your prayers!

Countdown to Sunday

I am 5 days away from my due date! We went to the doctor today and everyone is healthy and happy, but no action yet. Hopefully I'll go into labor this week or the next, but if not, then the plan is to induce me on August 8th. That's depressing to me because it seems like forever away, but atleast there is an end in sight if little Lucy continues to be a stubborn girl and do things her own way. In the meantime we are just waiting and trying to stay busy. I have the hospital bags packed, her room is ready, and WE are ready. Unfortunately she is not. So wait with us and we'll post as soon as something starts. Here are a few pictures to pass the time.

Mark wanted a pic of him doing a flip into the pool.

It's taken us TWO summers to get Heidi to jump into the pool from the side instead of taking the steps, so this was a big moment. Not a great picture, but you get the idea. We're very proud of her.

Our friends Carolyn and Aaron Barnard came over for dinner the other night. Carolyn is about 26 weeks and we were comparing bellies.

When I'm not walking or trying some other scheme to get Lucy to come out, this is what I do...

Good News!

God is good, and also has a great sense of humor. I went to the doctor today and Lucy has flipped and is head down! Crazy kid. Hope this isn't a precursor to how she will be when she's out. Of course Mark and I were shocked, because I never felt her flip, but we're excited that hopefully we'll get to do things like we originally wanted. We are definitely more open to other alternatives now and realize that things still may not go as planned. Now we just wait! Thank you for all the prayers and support. We are so thankful that we have been able to experience a pregnancy, especially one where mom and baby are both healthy. I thought it would be a good time to look back and see how much Lucy and I have grown, so here are some pictures taken throughout my pregnancy. We'll let you know when labor starts!

At the end of January...about 14 weeks. Not much going on except a little pooch.

At the end of February at 18 weeks. This is when my belly "popped" out.

In April, right before we found out she was a girl. I'm about 26 weeks.

End of May, 32 weeks.

July 1st...3 weeks to go!

Mixed emotions...

Well, a little update for those of you who don't know...yesterday at my 37 week check up my doctor was measuring me and became suspicious that Lucy may be breech. They sent me to ultrasound right away (fortunately I had the support of my Mimi, otherwise I probably would have freaked out) and sure enough, Lucy is head up and butt down. The good news is, they did a very in depth ultrasound and she's healthy and looks great, I could even see some of her little fat rolls :) The bad news is, a breech baby means only one thing...a c-section! For those of you who know me well, you know that I was planning on a natural, drug free birth, and now I have to have major surgery! I'm getting used to the idea, and really am just grateful that Lucy and I are both healthy. Mark and I go in Tuesday for my last check up and to talk about the c-section, which will be scheduled for the 17th or 18th. So more good news, this time next week I won't be pregnant anymore! We'll finally have our baby girl and that means more to us than anything else. We'll let you know the date and time as soon as we do. In the meantime, get ready to meet Lucy!

25 days to go!

Went to the doctor today and everything is on track! They are guessing she'll be about 7 1/2 lbs...we'll see how accurate that is. I've been having some contractions this week, which the doctor said was good news. Apparently the more my uterus practices now the better it will perform later :) We are finishing Lucy's room today, I'll put more pictures up when it's finished.

One of our pear trees split in half during a storm, and I HAD to get a picture of Mark with these goggles on....and using a chainsaw.

Mark putting together the furniture

The crib!

Gulf Shores!

We joined Janna's side of the family for a big get together in Gulf Shores over the past week and had a blast! The beach was beautiful, and we got to enjoy some rest and downtime before our world is rocked with this new baby. Five weeks to go until the due date! Here's some pics of the trip...

Janna and Lucy gettin some sun

Outside at Lulu's Restaurant

On our balcony

Mollie, Monica, and Kristen in the pool

Family Photo

We're new at this...

So we've finally given in and created a blog. Since our family will be growing in just a few short weeks, we decided the best way to keep everyone updated is via this Campbell family blog.

A quick summary of the past few months: We are expecting a baby girl, our first, at the end of July. She will be Lucy Laine Campbell, and her big sister Heidi (she's a dog but don't tell her that) is very excited about having another person to play with. We also just purchased our first home in Newnan and we're LOVING it! Come visit anytime.

That's all for now...here is a pic of Janna with about 7 weeks to go, and our punkin, Heidi, playing with her favorite soccer ball.