Did you miss me?

A lot has happened since I posted last! For starters, Mark and I celebrated our 4th anniversary! We made it through 4 years. We should get some kind of medal. Not really. Being married to Mark is pretty easy. Our lives have not been easy, but the marriage part has been atleast :) We have only grown stronger through all our struggles, and I am so thankful for that. I know many couples are pulled apart from long distance jobs, losing jobs, miscarriages, or financial stress. We have endured all those things in a very short amount of time and have only gotten closer and learned to lean on each other more. I am so thankful to be married to a man after God's own heart, a man who longs to bless the Lord through his family, and a man who longs to bless his family by serving them. We just finished up an amazing marriage series at our church, and last week's message still resonates in my mind. We've heard this verse a million times, but it spoke to me differently this time,

1 Corinthians 13 on Love....."It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

I love the New King James version, Love "bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."

When we got married, we didn't know what the "all things" would be, even in our first few years the "all things" has proven to be much more of a challenge than I anticipated. But the rewards are even greater! The satisfaction of going through a trial together, and being able to look each other in the eye at the end of it and say, "I bear all things for you, I believe all things about you, I hope all things for you, and I endure all things with you." That is Love how God planned it. Even in our imperfection, our love for each other has grown beyond what I ever imagined. How much more does the Father love us, in His perfection? So much that He gave his only Son, and then promised us life with Him for eternity! I don't want to be satisfied in this life, because then I would forget about eternity! This world is not my home. I may never have another child on this earth. But I know I have two more waiting for me in Heaven. Mark may never find another job, and we may struggle and lose everything. But I have a mansion waiting for me in Heaven. And even greater than that, I have my Jesus, my Savior, waiting for me in Heaven. To finally hold me and hug me and welcome me home.

It's easy to say, "atleast I know things will be perfect in Heaven," but to really believe it, and really live it out, that's what I've been striving for lately. I've never believed that as strongly as I do right now, and honestly, I've never NEEDED to believe it as strongly as I do right now.

Mark and were blessed to be able to get away and go to Hilton Head for our anniversary. To say we needed it would be an understatement. It was amazing. We had SO much fun, and it challenged me to continue to put our marriage first, above Lucy and all other relationships in my life. Before we left, we found out that all my bloodwork that was done came back normal. So as of now, we have no clue why I miscarried twice in a row. While I'm thrilled that I don't have any chronic medical conditions or any otherwise known problems as to why I miscarried, you can't fix something that isn't broken, so the fear of it happening again has become very real to me. There are more tests we can do, but we don't feel comfortable moving forward with them right now. If I do miscarry again, my doctor wants to do genetic testing and some more invasive (hint...expensive) tests. She also told us that there is a very real possibility I will lose another baby. That's the chance we take. Fear of the unknown future can consume. Whenever I feel consumed by fear, I remember my hope of Heaven.

Why do I go on such long rants?? Sorry if I rambled. Seriously though, check out the marriage series we just finished, called "Staying in Love" on Southside's website.

Next time I won't ramble, I'll just post some sweet videos of Lucy swimming. That'll keep you coming back for more :)