I want this tattoo in a bad way. Unfortunately my husband is not on board with me permanently inking my body. He's so old school sometimes.
I've been in a rut. A spiritual rut. A parenting rut. A wife rut. A friendship rut. A blogging rut. Nothing life shattering or major. I haven't abandoned my purpose in life or given up on anything. I just find myself taking the easy way out too many times. I can't get motivated, and nothing is bringing me joy.
There are still boxes that need to be unpacked and pictures that need to be hung. I have countless home/crafting projects in my back pocket that I just can't seem to start because I don't have the capacity or the energy to finish them. I find myself sending the girls to their rooms because I can't take the whining/fighting one more minute and I don't know what else to do. Instead of investing in my husband and giving him the time and attention he deserves, we just veg out on the couch after the girls are in bed and watch tv or play on our ipads mindlessly.
There are lots of reasons and excuses for the rut. But none of them really matter.
What does matter, is that I know this rut will change me. I've had ruts in the past. BIG ones. Small ones. And after every single one of them I came out greater, stronger, and more full of joy and peace. I don't want to say that the Lord causes ruts or obstacles in our lives, because that would create a huge theological debate on whether He "allows" suffering or intentionally "gives" it or just stands back with his hands up because He isn't in control. I don't really believe any of those things....what I believe is kind of a mix of all of those....but what I think we can all agree on, is that He works all things together for our good.
He makes beautiful things out of the dust.
And I am so full of dust right now. Like the nasty, old dust that's been lying around too long and is now collecting new dust and things even grosser than dust.
Some of you know this about me, and some of you don't. But....I used to not be a very nice person. I'm still not that nice of a person. But compared to what I was, I'm all roses and sunshine now.
But my Heavenly Father has done a great work. He is changing me, refining me. Very slowly, He is making me into the person He wants me to be. Still with some grit, and some spunk, because He made that part of me too. But I'm definitely softer around the edges than I used to be. He began the refining process when I chose to follow Him and declared Him as my Savior and God. Then as a young teenager He nurtured me and pruned me through some difficult life changes. Then slowly He sifted me even further through my husband. Mark has softened me and loved me so well, that I couldn't help but change.
Then the Lord did to me what He does to those who are arrogant and think they have it all figured out and if everyone would just do what they told them to do then everything would be ok.....He blessed me with children. Not just any children. Three girls. Who are just as stubborn as their mama. He humbles me daily through parenting. I am much more compassionate and tolerant than I used to be. So when you see me snapping at one of my children or responding sharply, remember that I am a work in progress.....
I want to be beautiful for Him. And I know that I can't do it on my own. I used to think that I could. That I didn't need anyone or anything but myself. And that's why He has had to humble me so much. And I am SO grateful He loves me enough to work on me. Because I do need A LOT. I need people in my life (I never thought I would say that!!), I need friends who will lift me up and encourage me. I need my mom and dad. I need my family. I need my husband. I need my girls. Most of all, I need Jesus and I need His grace that He freely gives me every day.
This post began as a pity party. I was going to list all the reasons why I've been in a rut and whine about everything that hasn't been going as planned in my life. But even as I write He is cleansing me. Stripping me of myself and adding more of Him. Because He loves me.
All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us
You make me new, You are making me new
You make me new, You are making me new
