Thoughts

Mark and I had our training session yesterday for hosting the girls. It was exciting and heartbreaking. Hearing about all the attachment disorders these kids have, the kind of abuse they have been through, and what will most likely happen to them if they continue to live in an orphanage until they are thrown out at age 16. Prostitution, crime, and drugs....that is their future if someone doesn't intervene. Some of the children that are hosted end up doing well in life even if they don't get adopted because they have a chance to see what it's like to have a functional family, and it gives them hope.

My heart was so heavy last night as I thought of these precious children, who had no say in what kind of life they were dealt. They don't know what it means for clothes or shoes to "fit" because nothing they have ever been given has been specifically for them. They don't know what it feels like to be full after eating, and don't have the option of having seconds if they are still hungry. The younger children don't even know how to play, because no one has ever played with them. It breaks my heart, and makes me wonder why on earth I was given the life that I have. Why I grew up wealthy and spoiled while these kids are rotting in an orphanage with no one to give them a hug or tell them they are loved.

It's so hard to balance these feelings with the realities of life, because although we are called to care for the widows and orphans, that doesn't mean everyone is called to adopt, or that we are called to adopt every orphan that crosses our path. Although the mother in me, and the emotional woman in me, tells me to adopt them all! I am wrestling with these thoughts today as my own two girls, dressed in warm pjs, their bellies full from breakfast, are playing in the other room with each other, confident in the fact that they will be fed and taken care of because that is all they have ever known. I don't know what my two host girls are doing right now, but I know their bellies aren't full, I doubt they are dressed in anything warm, and I'm sure they feel abandoned and unsure of their futures.

I'm not sure what do to do with these thoughts. I'm excited that we are hosting them and get to shower them with love and affection and meet their physical needs. But it's only one month, and it doesn't feel like enough. They deserve more than that, they NEED more than that. Please cover us in prayer as we prepare for them, and prepare our hearts for not only what to do with them while they are here, but what to do with them after they have gone.